Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Discovering Your Love Language

    For some reason I've been thinking a lot about love languages these last few days so I decided to take the test. I've always known that quality time was my biggest thing (to receive) but since being married I hadn't taken a test so I wanted to see if it had changed. This test Discover Your Love Language is very simple and would be very beneficial for everyone to take. It is specific to married couples but I'm sure you there is a version for those of you who are single as well.

   Unfortunately, my top love language is one of the hardest to have met. Quality time is very important to me and it is hard to get that time from my husband sometimes. Not because he doesn't care or doesn't try but just because he is usually busy designing, helping around the house, helping with Layla working, etc and I'm busy taking care of Layla and other things around the house.

    Fortunately, I tied with another top love language and acts of service is almost as important to me. Antony is very good at meeting this love language of mine. He helps with so much around the house without complaining and even does many things without me having to ask. That's a huge plus! He was especially helpful with things when Layla was first born and I was unable to do things like cook dinner or clean up. I'm very, very thankful for him!

  I highly recommend that everyone take this test and have your friends/family take the test as well. Its very common to show love to others in the way that we prefer to receive it but that may not be the way that your spouse (or friends) feel loved. For example, I like to show others that I love them by giving them my time but that may not mean as much to them as it does to me. Antony is a very physical person and needs physical touch and that's something that I've had to learn to give him because it doesn't mean as much to me as it does to him. Learning these things about your spouse can really change your relationship. Thankfully this was something we established before we got married :)

  Below is the description of each love language, if you're interested:

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

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